My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
