...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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