somebody snuck up and got me drunk
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
