Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
