is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
