Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
