Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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