He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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