is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
