If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
