Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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