3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
