Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
