i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
