The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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