remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
