I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
