I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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