WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
