3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
