She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is the high leading the old right now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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