he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
