I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
