She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
