I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
