hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
