grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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