Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
