a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
