Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
