Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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