I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
