Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
