I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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