She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
