is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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