there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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