She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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