I feel great
I just peed on a car
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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