Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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