I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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