The maid of honor just puked.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
