i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's always time for handjobs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
