Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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