i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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