My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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