So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
