I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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