i don't plan on having that self control this summer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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