So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
