you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
