If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
