I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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