Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
